The Place That Cannot Be
I know I’m about to be teetering dangerously close to Substack-super-villain-mean-girl-bully-who-only-writes-rage-bait-and-speaks-in-absolutes territory, but I promise we’re all in this together so try to hear me out before you label me Certified Hater™️
It seems as though many people here *waves arms towards the Substack home page* think they’ve triumphantly escaped the wicked, spindly tendrils of the TikTok and Instagram algorithms and found ✨Utopia✨ within the hallowed, sacred walls of Substack, devout to the belief that only here does nuance, depth, and individuality thrive.
But alas, I come the bearer of bad news —
We are already knee-deep in an identical spiral of same same same, the only difference is this one has more words, less ads, and a lingering, intoxicating new car smell.
I fear the bleak reality is almost any app, website, corner of the internet with even a whisper of a social component will inevitably, eventually, suck its user into the endless treadmill of curated desire — running on a road to nowhere, never actually getting anywhere anyone wants to be, chasing satisfaction that may never come and making everyone crave the same handful of things.
The world is so much bigger than the feed.
And lest you think I am preaching as if I am immune from this affliction. I started my own multi-step recovery journey from the terrifying soul-sucking, sickly grip of the social scroll back in late 2019, when I quit my miserable styling job. My media diet was only brands and magazines and e-commerce and style reports and trend predictions and street style photos and society pages and blogs and *spoiler alert* it all came crashing down at the end. All I was left with was crippling credit card debt and feeling like miserable worthless garbage trash. If I just bought that one thing! I would be whole!
These photos may not mean much to you, mere internet stranger, but to me they are a reflection of what happens when you get lost in the social media sauce.
The top row is me back in 2016, pre soul sucking fashion job. I spent a lot of time thrifting and antiquing and hunting for special things and not a lot of time engaging on social media (curated IG posts, yes. Craving something trendy because some influencer had it, no.) That middle outfit is vintage Gaultier and The Row (before The Row was The Row) and cost me less than $150. I was so proud.
The middle row is while I was working the soul sucking fashion job. I didn’t take a lot of full outfit pictures because I was miserable, overworked and usually bouncing between hotels and millionaires’ closets in Houston and NYC. I wore mostly Zara and H&M and bought cheap, shitty designer pieces I didn’t even like off the The Real Real. I was addicted to scrolling new arrivals, following influencers and trends, and looking thin and expen$ive so my boss would like me. I was always one cry away from a menty b. Everything I bought during this era of my life I have donated or sold. I literally don’t recognize myself in these photos.
The bottom row is the last year or so, after limiting the time I spend in any online algorithm (my TikTok and IG apps have 30 min time limits on them and I’m about to do the same with Substack tbh) I’ve been spending more time hunting for fun things that pique my interests in other corners of the internet and experimenting with dressing “weirder, uglier, stranger.” So far, I’d say it’s going pretty well. 90% of what I purchased in 2024 was secondhand, vintage, or antique. I no longer subscribe to any marketing emails and I have heavily limited the brands I follow online.
Being too heavy in the orbit of curated social media stripped away the joy and pleasure and romance and revelation that comes from being curious. The satisfaction of going down a rabbit hole and seeing where you might end up and what you might learn.
If any of us were truly committed to freedom and true self-discovery, we would delete every app, unsubscribe from every marketing email, and go touch grass, FOREVER. I know two people in my life who have done that—and, much to my horror, they’re not only thriving, they’re both insufferably happy AND ridiculously stylish. Go figure. I can’t even be mad that they’re terrible at texting me back. They hum at a completely different vibration than the rest of us.
Unfortunately, I <3 the internet too much to ever do such a thing.
I don’t think Notes themselves are the ultimate villain, but rather the amount of time we’re spending sucked into other people’s orbits (even if the orbit is positive), not realizing how it affects, how it shapes, how it molds our own personal bubble. As an aging millennial, I am deeply nostalgic, almost to the point of frustration, for the time when we could exist in quiet anonymity, untouched by the relentless scrutiny, pressure, and consistent fomo of online. If no one could see you do it, would you still do it?
Real life isn’t an aesthetic, and while I appreciate seeing things in perfect visual harmony, I’m not convinced that true satisfaction comes from committing to and living within the boundaries of just one vibe. We need to go deeper!
These ramblings are about balance and not absolutes, and yes, I see the irony of saying this here, in this space. I think the solution is being more intentional about what we do when we log on — less time on the revolving hamster wheel, more time on the solo kind of adventures that lead to personal epiphany. Taking in what we love from our favorite creators, writers, internet friends, and using that style inspiration, think piece, or mood board curation as a jumping off point rather than Holy Gospel. (Something I hope you feel when you come to this corner of the internet!) How will you make it your own?
I can, perhaps, provide at least one resource that can help flesh out the answer to that question — it won’t get you touching grass, but it might bring to light something you didn’t know about yourself before. Let me nudge you to replace one addiction with another (hey, at least I’m self aware)! Something that feels like its own weird, rewarding little game of self discovery, that can broaden your taste beyond the limits of scrolling through something The Internet Robot curated for you.
Let me take you down the wonderful, never-ending, winding road — the ✨eu-topos✨, if you will, that is eBay.
The Good Place
I consider myself a lifelong lover of hunting down rare, special old things, but it wasn’t until about three years ago that I really unlocked the magic of eBay. At first, I could barely bring myself to navigate the site, which 100% feels like a relic of the early ‘90s in the best and worst ways. I admire eBay’s dedication to “if it ain’t broke, I’m not updating it.”
From what I gather, many of you share the same hesitation. But let me reassure you—beyond that clunky interface lies a treasure trove, and trust me, it’s good.
There’s no better way to spend an evening, in my opinion, than pouring myself a glass of something indulgent (I’m drinking less these days and hate to admit that I do, in fact, feel great *fart noise*), sinking into an episode of Real Housewives, and getting lost in my eBay app. It scratches that itch to mindlessly scroll through social media, without the impending sense of doom or anxiety that inevitably comes with it. The real joy is in the discovery. The millions of items waiting to be unearthed—even if you never end up buying anything. I’ve found myself learning about fine artists, photographers, jazz musicians, indie designers, forgotten couture houses, obscure Italian shoe brands, vintage ephemera, etc etc etc etc. The rabbit hole is endless, and marvelous and never leaves me feeling like poo poo garbage — except when I see my screen time report on Sunday mornings….
I’ll preface this guide by saying there is really no wrong way to eBay. I’m sure many of you have a completely different approach than I do and that’s what makes it all the more special. I’ll be going through my approach on the eBay desktop, but the app works very similarly.
Let’s get into it.
The Basics
Download the app — I use both the desktop version of eBay and the iOS app for iPhone and would highly recommend doing the same. There are benefits (and pitfalls) to using both!
Turn on push notifications — eBay will alert you if a seller sends you a private offer, if your best offer was approved, if a listing is about to expire, if your bid was accepted, if you were outbid, etc etc.
Make an account — You will want to do this to save items to your watchlist, save searches, bid on auctions, and easily order items.
Save a form of payment — This one will make my significant other who works in cybersecurity cringe, but it’s really the only option if you want to send a seller your “best offer” (if they accept, you pre-agree to the terms that you will buy the item and be charged automatically)
Filters Are Your Friend
Below… how I use filters, what keywords I search, how I discover treasures, making the most of your Watchlist and more….
Playing around with filters can change the outcome of your search results and can determine how narrowed in/specific you want to get in digging for something or how broad you want to get if you’re willing to scroll page after page (a personal favorite pastime…)
Filters relating to categories, sizes, colors, pricing, etc etc live on the left side of the page and filters for how you’d like to buy the item live above the first row of listings.
The issues with filters is that they are only as good as the seller’s dedication to the description of the item when they listed it. Which, in my opinion, isn’t always that great. Many sellers seem to take the phrase “less is more” too literally and many things in the vintage world, like sizing, are not often accurate. I honestly don’t use a lot of specific filters.
The filters I almost always use are toggling over to “Buy it Now” (I am too much of an anxiety weenie for auctions, but I’ll get to that later) and choosing “Pre-Owned” in the Condition drop down menu. While I know there is likely good stuff that lives in the “New” section, filtering by pre-owned helps avoid any chance of fakes, dupes, Alibaba crap, cheap screen-printing, etc etc etc. that get in the way of looking for actual vintage/secondhand things.
The other filter I will occasionally turn on is the Item Location — if you don’t want to pay duties and fees or risk long shipping times or high shipping prices, it’s best to stick with buying things in the country you live in. eBay will convert the listing to your currency, which has sometimes convinced me to go for it…
If I’m shopping for luxury items, I will toggle on Authenticity Guarantee depending on the price point and what I’m looking for. This will drastically change your results, so use accordingly. If it’s 1994 Salvatore Ferragamo shoes, I don’t care… if it’s a 2023 Loewe handbag, I might care. eBay takes their authentication process very seriously and you can read more about it here. I would use it if you’re buying luxury jewelry or watches or handbags or really anything $1000+.
While this may technically fall under the keyword search category, choosing whether or not to add “vintage” in your keyword search will also drastically change the search results. I usually do it once with, and once without. You can always toggle over to the Vintage drop down filter on the left side under Categories as well, which means the seller has marked it as vintage.
Toggling between Categories is always a great way to narrow in on something specific, especially if I’m feeling adventurous and using a vague keyword search (i.e. “sterling silver” or “psychedelic”) This can help if you’re trying to find something that’s a home good vs. a piece of jewelry, etc. (i.e. sterling silver necklace vs. sterling silver napkin rings)
On the right side of your screen you’ll see how you can organize the results — I always prefer to view in a grid (the button on the right with the four squares) because it’s visually much easier for me to comb through results. Filtering by price is nice (you can set specific parameters for price through the filters on the left side of your screen) and I only do it occasionally (i.e. having a vintage watch budget that’s high, but not $7k+ high or trying to find vintage Moschino that’s under $300) but I think it’s also a fun game to set the price to like, $50 and see what treasures you can find.
Shipping: I use the “free shipping” filter a lot, especially with things there are no shortage of — 10,000+ search results for “distressed leather jacket”? Check the free shipping filter box because that might convince you one way or the other on which one you like best! A lot of shipping rates are based off of a general, assumed weight and I have messaged sellers before to see if they’re open to lowering it or giving me a more accurate quote. One time I fell in love with a vintage tee only to discover the shipping was quoted as being twice as much as the actual shirt — the seller ended up waiving for me after I messaged!
What to Search
This is where the fun really begins! You can search for literally anything and get as vague or as specific as you want and have different outcomes. Just like setting a price filter can feel like a game, so can playing around with keyword searches.
If you’re bored of scrolling social media…toggle over to your eBay app and try putting something fun into the search bar like a color “lime green, lilac, baby blue, barbie pink” or a textile/material “fuzzy mohair, angora, rayon, onyx, alabaster” or a theme “pirate, clown, sailor, medieval, mermaid” or even an object or animal “rose, turtle, swan” and see where you end up! Use the filters on the left to toggle between categories and sift through the results. When looking for true vintage clothing, I’ll do this with time periods “1960s mini dress, 60s evening gown, 1920s pajamas, 20s sequins, 1970s jumpsuit, 70s vintage tee”
search example: buy it now —> pre-owned —> gallery view —> “fuzzy mohair” —→ category: clothing, shoes and accessories (repeat and add “vintage” to “fuzzy mohair”)
If you’re searching for something fairly popular or specific, “related” recommendations with other search terms will appear under the search bar. This is great if you maybe don’t know the specific name or term for what you’re looking for or are looking for different search results.
Try using descriptors or materials to get different results. This works well with well-worn vintage. “thrashed, distressed, grunge, punk, paper thin, ripped, cut” or “plastic, bakelite, celluloid, lucite”
Get inspired by what you consume on a daily basis! I’ve been rewatching the Nanny as a background show these past couple months and will sometimes stop and search things I think could yield interesting results inspired by Fran and CC’s outfits — “vintage corseted blazer, lace-up jacket, leopard print skirt set” I watched a period drama last week and was deep in a “toile, art nouveau, french linen, silk taffeta, tiffany lamp” search hole that was very thrilling. Last time I went to the art museum I wrote down all the artists I loved whose work I didn’t know. Bought two coffee table books and a biography. Great decor and I feel smarter - win, win!
Checking runway shows obsessively and upset that thing you fell in love with is $5,000? Try search terms “womens black leather jacket, black cropped jacket, vintage black leather jacket, vintage gap leather, vintage banana republic leather, black leather jacket silver buttons” that might lead you to something similar…. OR use the app and try image searching!
🚨Hot Tip Alert🚨 I keep a running note on my phone of brands, designers, and artists I love, have just discovered, or recently tried on or seen at the thrift store or antique mall. When you're scrolling through eBay and see a listing that catches your eye, take note of any brands or designers mentioned in the title or description. This is especially handy for tracking down jewelry and vintage furniture designers.
Make it a habit! Jot down items and search terms when you see an outfit you like or when you’re people watching and see someone rocking something incredible or when you’re browsing someone’s IG stories and they post an insanely cool piece of furniture or home good you didn’t know existed or when you’re at an antique mall and discover a weird old thing you didn’t know was a thing (“opera scarf, bustle skirt, puffy sleeve cardigan, polka dot blazer, suede tassel skirt, gothic chandelier, needlework pillow”)
Another Tip: Sellers aren’t always great spellers or proofreaders. Try typing something incorrectly into search bar if you’re really on the hunt for something, because there’s a good chance it’s buried somewhere because of typos. You never know what will come up!
A lot of people ask how I find such specific but random stuff and my answer is that I play around with every search term version of something I could be looking for — a fun ring to add to my every day jewelry collection? I’ll search “vintage sterling silver, sterling silver gemstone, sterling silver cabochon, sterling silver cz (cubic zirconia), sterling silver bezel, taxco sterling silver ring” you get the picture…
The Joy of the Hunt
When you click into a listing and discover that you like the item and want to search for more things like it, scroll down past the item description and start with the recommended items. eBay’s algorithm of related items is better than most platforms, especially Etsy and I usually end up in a rabbit hole from clicking from one related item to the next. *Often times it triggers another keyword I haven’t thought of to try or I discover a brand I didn’t know and pivot to searching for that brand.*
If you like something but don’t know much about it, try googling it and seeing what else pops up. Sometimes it’s listed in other places like Poshmark or Etsy for cheaper! Sometimes you realize it’s listed on 1stDibs or The Real Real for much MUCH more…
Many sellers sell on both Etsy and eBay — Etsy takes a higher percentage than eBay, so many shops sell on Etsy at a higher price. Use the Gem app to help you figure out which has the better price (and because Gem is awesome!)
For clothing, always look at the item description, go off the measurements and not the number size, see if they list the material and have plenty of photos of the condition for the price! For home goods, check the measurements and don’t get fooled by “free shipping” on large furniture pieces — most of these sellers ship freight and have to give you a quote. You might think you’ve found the $300 coffee table of your dreams until you realize it’s $450 to ship it! Message sellers when you have questions! Check their ratings and reviews! I never buy from people with under a 90% positivity rating…
The Watchlist and Saved Searches
When you tap the heart on an item you’re interested in, it will get added to your Watchlist, which you can always access on the top right menu. eBay just recently increased their watchlist limit and you can save a little over 1000 items at one time.
You can organize your watchlist by making custom lists or you can view things by category, when the listing is scheduled to end, when you added it, or pricing. You can also see, tragically, what listings have ended or sold. Because things are listed for time periods, sometimes a seller will re-list the item if it hasn’t sold but expired — eBay will usually tell you, but sometimes I’ll just research the item and see. Their interface now also recommends similar items to those that have sold out, which is another way to click around and found similar alternatives.
🚨Hot Tip Alert🚨 many times when a seller re-lists an item, they’ll do it a lower price because they want it to sell. If they accept offers, this is when I’ll play around with lowballing them.
Saved searches are great if you love a specific designer, are on the hunt for a specific thing, or are looking for something rare. I will never EVER forgive myself for not buying this leather jacket when I had the chance and have saved “donna karan leather jacket” in all its many forms in hopes one day, the Thrift Gods deliver!!!! No luck so far, but eBay does email you when new items in your saved searches get listed.
(funny I’m writing this the same day Best Friends is also lamenting on her leather loss)
Special Offers, Make an Offer, and Bidding
When you add an item to your watchlist, it notifies the seller, which can push out special “private” offers to all the people who are monitoring the item. Sometimes it’s something lame, like 5% but sometimes it’s truly insane, like 65% off. I have scored some crazy things this way, like my new very rare 1994 Interview with the Vampire shirt (lol Tom Cruise but yay Lestat) that was listed at $450!! but privately offered to me at $195 (and then I used a $100 gift card, which really sweetened that deal)
Many sellers allow you to make an offer, which you can see as an option to the right of listing photos. eBay will guide you through the screens and even recommend what price you should suggest. Sometimes lowballing like crazy works, and sometimes it doesn’t. I usually don’t go over $40 under, but it does depend — you never know what a seller will do and sometimes they will counter!
Auctions
Auctions are a whole other beast that I’m sure many other people can expertly guide you through. I really don’t enjoy the stress of them because it reminds me of gambling and I have only successfully taken the plunge and won a handful of times. I would highly recommend checking out YouTube for tips (you’re supposed to do your max bid like, 2 seconds before an auction ends— really!) or use websites like Auction Sniper.
*PHEW*
Alright, I’ll leave it here for now—hopefully, this was as fun for you as it was for me to share…? Maybe?
I could easily keep going, but let’s be honest, no one has the attention span — I didn’t even cover things like shopping on Japanese eBay, my favorite sellers, what to expect when buying internationally, my favorite things I’ve ever found and how I found them….
So!!!! do you feel equipped to tackle at least a little bit of the eBay abyss now? Anything else you’re itching to know? Let me know your thoughts and if you’d be down for a part two!
Thanks for hanging out with me as we navigate this chaotic digital world together!
I’ll be back in your inbox with a month end “Dump” this weekend (filled with things currently on my watchlist!)
Until then,
xo,
G
Reading your buyers perspective and search strategy was so interesting to me as someone on the seller side of the coin 🫣 I feel like I’m peering into a new world, one that was fascinating and very enjoyable!
this is amazing, ty for all the work that went into it!