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“The people yearned for deep connection, and yet, they persisted on being glued to their fucking phones!”, the headline will (probably) read one day.
We’re in a party drought.
An “Extreme Fire Danger!” Smokey the Bear kind of party drought.
Over the past year, I’ve noticed a growing wave of conversation regarding the lost art of the good old-fashioned shindig. From Ellen Cushing’s viral Atlantic essay, “Americans Need to Party More,”1 and Derek Thompson’s Substack piece, “The Death of Partying in the U.S.A.—and Why It Matters,”2 to Emily Sundberg’s lively Substack discussion thread3, the question seems to linger: what happened to our deeply simple, deeply human instinct to just hang out?
We’ve got a garden-variety list of excuses—everything from work, parenting, dog walking and gym classes to budgets, bed rotting, and the urge to mindlessly doomscroll in silence. Add in the general stress and chaos of the existence of the holiday season, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for cultural collapse. And yes, it is that serious. (It’s getting weird out there…)
We long for connection! We ache for conversation! We yearn for a bite-size snack on a cute little tray!
In 2023, Cushing noted that only 4.1% of Americans said they “attended or hosted” a party on a typical weekend or holiday. Thompson adds even more alarming context: between 2003 and 2024, party time among Americans dropped by about 50%, and for young people (ages 15–24), it’s down roughly 70%!!! People have a growing expectation that partying will simply “happen” to them, rather than accepting that sometimes the only way to make social connection is to take on the responsibility of being the host.
Everybody wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager!
It certainly doesn’t help that we live in an overly connected era where we can endlessly scroll perfectly curated tablescapes, expensive brand events, sponsored influencer parties and meticulously moodboarded TikTok gatherings — a breeding ground for party-throwing doubt and comparison! Not everything has to be a Martha Stewart level affair!
So I am here today to convince you to become the holiday host! Our social calendars are too thin. And that means we’re losing something deeper — the glue of shared experiences, finding a sense of belonging, laughing until we cry, being absolutely present and in the moment, learning something new about a life experience we haven’t lived, and getting the fuck off the internet for five hours! Gathering people in your home helps bring diverse circles of people in one place and fosters interpersonal connection, emotional intimacy, and strengthens the bonds of society. You needn’t have a bursting-at-the-seams guest list, a flawless Instagram-ready spread or a max-out-the-credit-card budget!
Holidays are supposed to feel communal, but we’ve lost the habit of community. In a year when loneliness has become a national pastime, the most radical thing you can do might just be to open your door and see what happens!
Do it for the plot!
Now, let’s get into it.
⋆꙳❅*°⋆❆.ೃ࿔*:･*❆ ₊⋆⋆꙳❅*°⋆❆.ೃ࿔*:･*❆ ₊⋆⋆꙳❅*°⋆❆.ೃ࿔*:･*❆ ₊⋆⋆꙳❅*°⋆❆.ೃ࿔*:･*❆ ₊⋆
THE VIBES
It doesn’t need to be a THANKSGIVING (needs a rebrand anyways!) or CHRISTMAS party this holiday season to be fun — go where the creative wind blows you! LOWER THE BAR. You don’t have to have matching plates or deck your whole space out in decorations!
For me, the keys to a great party are simple: ample but moody lighting (just say no to the overhead light! Dimmers are your friend! Have many table lamps!), good background tunes (I like to go with classic jazz — perhaps this one? or if you’re in the holiday spirit, this one?), a robust snack table (literally can be chex mix and chips and other crowd favorites), and easy access to water (the amount of parties where there is nary a glass of agua to be found….I like to buy some fancy bottled water, like this, to add to ice buckets and the drink table!)
Misc. party thoughts: Don’t have enough seats? How about an inflatable chair? Or some vintage folding chairs? Consider a fun dress code! A theme! A murder mystery party?! Have everyone put their phones in a bowl! Give people disposable cameras when they enter and make them use the whole roll before the party ends!
If you’re ballin’ on a seriously tight budget…
This looks fancy but I promise it’s simple!! It’s time to get creative! I am a firm believer you can host on the teeny tiniest of budgets and in the teeny tiniest of apartments — all you need is your imaginative, a willingness to get a little crafty, and a trip to both the local hardware and craft store. Don’t be afraid to ask guests to bring things! Be specific! There is nothing wrong with potluck style eats and treats!
Here’s what I envision for a festive get-together that can truly cost very little!
Serving Tray (Black Lacquer Tray, $30, Woven Silver Tray, $80, purchase on eBay)
Time to go digging at the thrift store! I have a distinct memory of being invited over for evening tea at a new friends home and was so impressed when she came into the living room with a serving tray filled with treats and snacks. It immediately elevates the vibes, even if everything you own is mismatched!Plastic Bucket (Translucent Gray Paint Bucket, $8.38, purchase on eBay)
Who needs a fancy-pants silver ice bucket when you have hardware store all-purpose buckets? Plastic, though evil, has its moments and this is one of them! If you’re planning to have a group of people over, grab a few from your local hardware store (I like this smokey grey look) and fill with ice, wine, and maybe even a large sparkling water or two (fancy!)Paper Doilies, assorted sizes (150 pieces, $9.97, purchase on eBay)
Mismatched plates? Scratches? A chip or two? It’s really so okay — just throw some paper doilies over it and you’ve got yourself an elevated, opulent affair. These are also a good option if you’ve thrifted things over the years that may or may not be fully food safe or have chipped glaze.Popcorn! (If you’ve got the budget, might I suggest the Graza chips + popcorn)
Popcorn is super affordable, a crowd favorite, and easy to elevate with many different flavor profiles. Dig around in the crystal/glassware/silver aisle of the thrift and get a few bowls in varying sizes to fill with popcorn - maybe one sweet, one salty and one spicy?Glassine Bags ($4.99 for 50, purchase on eBay)
Food safe glassine bags can be used for so many different things. Stamp the outside with a fun rubber stamp (extra cool points if you carve your own — maybe your initials/monogram or a festive holiday shape?) and fill with candy your guests can take home, or repackage a sweet treat or snack into them.Vintage Linen Napkins (Blue Linen set of 6, $12.99, purchase on eBay)
You might have to journey to an antique store, but usually you can find a bin at one that has mismatched old linens. You can get crafty here and dye them a fun color (or some holiday tie dye? Into it) or embroider something in a bright color? They don’t need to match! That’s the whole point!Condiment Caddy (Dorothy Thorpe Lucite Caddy, $44.99, purchase on eBay)
Okay, I couldn’t resist putting this Dorothy Thorpe one in here because it’s gorgeous, but there are plenty of cheaper options (like this and this) for putting bar snacks in (chex mix, nuts, potato chips, olives, etc) and setting on your coffee table for people to graze on as they sit and chat. Hands down, the one thing I always get compliments on when people come over!Ice Cream Sandwiches (It’s It Sandwiches, 24 for $26)
Crowd pleaser dessert alert! Pick something with a cutie vintage label (see: my SF favorite, It’s It) or go the classic route and rip have the paper off for display. (You could also stick these in your ice buckets!)Metallic Tape (Blick Metallic Tape, $9.77)
A roll of fun fancy tape hates to see my coming! Label things! Tape down a paper table cloth! Use it to hang decorations! The options are endless!Tinsel Ribbon ($8.99, purchase on eBay)
Tie this around wine glasses, around your ice bucket, around cutlery, hanging from a house plant or around a front door wreath! Tinsel everything!!! For decor, browse the thousands of vintage tinsel garland options on eBay.Cellophane Wrap ($7.99 per roll)
Love the idea of shiny cellophane bows everywhere (wrapped around the ice buckets? hanging out on the snack table? over the bathroom mirror? on the front door?) They have big visual impact and add the perfect amount of texture if you don’t have a big budget for decor!
If you wanna go all out…
If the (credit) limit does not exist, or maybe you’re already a party-throwing pro, here are some elevated vintage finds for your next gathering.
Aluminum Pearled Handle Ice Bucket ($225, purchase on eBay)
Glamour!!! Investing in a big, big ice bucket to anchor your bar table really brings the vibes together.Sterling Silver Shell Nut Dish ($155, purchase on eBay)
She’s pricy but really beautiful, the perfect addition to your coffee table as guests sit and graze.Ginori Cake Plate ($440, purchase on eBay)
An investment you’ll have for the rest of your life — the green is fabulous and complimentary to so many other holidays. Maybe for an overflowing tower of potato chips, figs, and prosciutto?Abalone Ice Bucket ($250, purchase on eBay) (wait! another one!)
If you’re a dedicated Trash Head you know I’m obsessed with abalone ice buckets and think they are cool cool cool — make a batch cocktail you can put in a pitcher (like this one?) next to it for easy bartending.Vintage Madeira Shell Linen Napkins (set of eight, $160, purchase on eBay)
Madeira napkins are very collectible and worth a browse on eBay and Etsy. The price for this set is good and these are so so so chic to hand to guests with their chilled, ice cold martini.
Sterling Silver Rose Overlay Glasses (set of three, $145, purchase on eBay)
These are just asking for pebble ice, a festive garnish and a long stainless steel straw!Shriver’s Salt Water Taffy (1lb box, $15.99)
I think a vintage candy sprinkled around the party in various vessels is very cute — or you could craft up some sour candy trees (like the image in the moodboard!)Green Blown Glass Handle Mugs (set of three, $55, purchase on eBay)
For a hot toddy? Hot buttered rum? Overflowing with whip cream atop some Mexican Hot Chocolate?Pastel Bubble Stem Coupe Glasses (set of five, $32)
Chilled champagne for the guests when they arrive? Or for a mid party toast!East End Press Letterpressed Tree Ornaments (set of four, $18)
I recently discovered this letterpress company while browsing a shoppy shop in Ojai and I am *very* obsessed. Everything they make feels heirloom worthy and special and would also double as a special gift! (Check out all their gorgeous paper garlands!)Meri Meri Twisted Taper Candles (set of two, $22)
Why have regular candles when you can have these?Gold Shell Salt Cellars ($79, purchase on eBay)
There are salt cellars and salt cellars. These are the latter.Handmade Tie Dye Napkins (set of 10, $30)
I’m very pro-fabric napkin if you can’t tell (because of the Trash Panic of it all, obvi!) There’s good tie dye and really really bad tie dye and this is really good tie dye.
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And if you find yourself a guest this holiday season….
For the Hostess with the mostest….
The golden rule of being a guest is simple: never show up empty-handed — even if your host continually insists you needn’t bring anything! A thoughtful host gift should be something that helps them unwind and enjoy themselves and not something that adds to their workload, stress, or creates weird expectations (don’t make me water a house plant!) (If you insist on bringing flowers, have them arranged and already in a vessel with water!) If money is tight, a very thoughtful handwritten thank you card filled with lots of ego-boosting compliments goes a long way!
Eat + Drink
If you’re bringing a food or beverage, have it be something the party thrower can enjoy the next day/weekend, not something to be added to the evening’s current festivities (if that’s an expectation, bring something else!) It should be their reward for doing all the hard work!
(working clockwise from top left)
Bonilla a la Vista Potato Chips ($45)
There is no better combo than potato chips + caviar and it makes the perfect next day “lounging around” snack for your favorite host with the most. Just add a big, delicious bow to this handy tin that already comes with a trusty handle! (Yes, they are expensive but yes, they are *truly* delicious.)Meredith Marks Caviar ($90+)
And I mean, if we’re going the caviar route…. this one goes out to all my fellow RHOSLC watchers — Is it good? We don’t know! And we don’t care! (I did peruse some reviews, and it does seem to be delicious but overpriced — shocking!)Ojai Valencia Oranges ($42.50+)
If you’re heading to a big, fancy holiday party this season, plan ahead and order fresh produce from a local or independently owned farm. From homemade cocktails and festive baking to seasonal cooking, there’s so much you can do with fresh ingredients during the holidays. As a native Californian, I love the idea of bringing a juicy slice of home, like a big, bright orange, to friends here in the Midwest.Aplos Calme Non-Alcoholic Drink (13 servings, $48)
People are sober for a variety reasons (none of which are any of our business) and it is absolutely no reason for anyone to feel like they have to miss out on the fun of socializing during the holiday season (and beyond!) I love, love love Aplos — it has a very unique taste, refreshing but not too sweet, bold but not overpowering. Maybe with some Topo Chico and a slice of that California fresh orange? (I was also recently gifted their Ume spritz, which is delicious!)Birichino 2022 Santa Cruz County Cider ($18)
Bringing wine is definitely “on the nose” but if your host loves a good beverage, why not? I would go the local/indie owned/natural/small batch route and pick something that reflects a city/place/restaurant etc that is personal to you that you want to share! Write a tag and attach it to the bottle and share your memory! It makes the gift so much more special.
I miss calling Santa Cruz home, Birichino is one of my favorite wine producers and you should visit their tasting room, if you ever find yourself in the Bay Area!Luxardo Maraschino cherries ($32)
These are, hands down, the best cherries you’ll ever have. Add them to a cocktail, a glass of champagne (my personal fav), or on top of a sundae with plenty of whipped cream. The perfect indulgence for a host with a sweet tooth 🦷Bon Bon Candy Box ($20+)
Speaking of sweet treats…who doesn’t love a fancy box of candy? Bon Bon is worth the hype and they get extra points for having the cutest holiday gift boxes.Nordur Salt-Arctic Sea Salt ($22.99)
Flaky sea salt makes everything better!Butter with Coarse Sea Salt from Camargue (pack of 4, $99.99, purchase on eBay!)
The best way to say “I love you, thank you” is with the most exquisite Belgian butter you’ve ever had in your life. And yes, you can order it on eBay.Cinnamon Buns/Pastries/Local Sweet Treat
There’s a very delicious bakery in my neighborhood that makes the most delicious (and giant) cinnamon buns that they sell by the tray! A great gift for the host to dive into the morning after!Graza “Drizzle” Glass EVOO ($23)
Look, I’m not here to debate the best or worst olive oils. Some peeps feel Graza is overrated — but honestly, I don’t care!!! I love their Drizzle, designed for exactly that: drizzling over pizza, sandwiches, salads, you name it. It’s flavorful, fun, and adds that certain je ne sais quoi to even the simplest snack.
To Have + To Use
Gohar World Metallic Opera Oven Mitts ($128)
For the most stylish host in your life that loves to spend time in their kitchen — why have boring oven mitts when you could have these?!Gohar World Lace Hand Apron ($188)
I know this makes most gift guides, but I can’t resist how cute the little lace hands are!Vintage Neiman Marcus Print Apron ($12.95, purchase on eBay)
This. Is. So. Cute. If Carrie Bradshaw ever cooked, she would wear this, no? Just add Manolos…Copper Recipe Box ($11.99, purchase on eBay)
There is a treasure trove of vintage recipe boxes floating around eBay, Etsy, and likely your local antique store. This is new old stock but I like the copper vibes and feel it would age really nicely on a kitchen counter.Astier de Vilatte “Tucson” Incense Sticks ($60, 125 sticks)
I have both this scent and the scent “Hollywood” and burn them regularly in my entryway when we’re expecting guests — it’s powerful without being headache inducing, rich and luxurious without feeling too perfume-y. Gifting a scent is tricky business, so I would only go this route if you’re confident in the person’s preferred scent profiles!Aesop Refresh Bar Soap ($27)
There’s something so effortlessly cool about a beautifully wrapped bar soap — the perfect gift for your fabulously independent friend with the cutest apartment you’ve ever seen. It’s a lovely touch for a guest bath or a small luxury to enjoy on a self-care night in.Le Bon Shoppe Cottage Socks ($18)
New socks are one of life’s simplest pleasures! I will always be happy to receive a cozy, well made pair of socks tyvmVintage Christofle Silver Plate Wine Basket ($125, purchase on eBay)
Christofle is a french luxury brand that is highly collectible! There are plenty of these floating around eBay in varying conditions and price points, depending on your comfort level and budget for gifting something vintage, but this + your favorite wine and a delightfully big bow? (I’m thinking silk moire?) Gift of the year!Mother of Pearl Caviar Dish and Spoon ($38, purchase on eBay)
One of those things that elevates a gathering, but isn’t necessarily something someone wants to spend money on — do it for them! (Don’t use metal utensils with your caviar, it will oxidize and taste metallic!)SSONE Taro Nail Lacquer ($25) (all the colors are YUM)
This falls similarly under the fancy bar soap/cozy sock category, me thinks! So many host gifts assume the recipient is traditionally married, suburban, or into “grown-up” hobbies only (whatever that means.) A fun, brightly colored nail polish makes a perfect gift for your bestie hosting a cozy wine-and–Bravo night this holiday season.Yoshitomo Nara Puzzle ($65)
I think we’re far enough outside of Covid lockdown memories to bring back the joy of working on a good puzzle. A great gift idea for the homebody host or where winter weather = home hibernation.Laurids Lonborg Danish Peppermill ($250, purchase on eBay) (another alt here, a sillier option here and here)
I am firmly in the camp of “never enough pepper” and would squeal with delight receiving a sexy vintage Danish wood peppermill. There are so many fun ones on eBay waiting to be displayed on a kitchen counter.Snoopy Thank You Card Set ($10, pack of 10, purchase on eBay)
If money is so so very tight, I promise you it’s still worth it to show up to the function and spend time with your besties. A handwritten thank you card goes a long way, especially ones with Snoopy on them!!Chez Panisse Desserts by Lindsey Remolif Shere, Illustrations by Wayne Thiebaud ($18.99+, purchase on eBay)
For the special host in your life, gift them a cookbook that you love and use yourself. I have this book and reference it often, especially during the holidays when I’m looking for the perfect something to compliment my annual pavlova. This book was illustrated by one of my favorite artists, Wayne Thiebaud, which makes it extra extra special. Be sure to write a message inside the jacket and sign/date it!
As always, I have so much more saved that I want to share with you! I’ll be back in your inbox this weekend with a Dump filled with extra hosting goodies I found along the way (it will be paywalled! Upgrade your subscription so you don’t miss out on the fun!)
Do you love to host? Have a favorite hosting tip or secret recipe for success? A game you like to play? A playlist you love? A recipe that people can’t get enough of?
Spill! The people want to know!
Now go put your party pants on!!!
Until next time,
xo,
G
image sources (moving left to right, top to bottom)
jil sander fall 2024,
doctor cooper, (lisa cooper) florist
The signist’s book of modern alphabets, plain and ornamental, ancient and mediæval, from the eighth to the twentieth century, with numerals : Delamotte, F. (Freeman), 1814-1862
1950s party photo, my personal collection!
jil sander shoes, creator unknown
soviet candy, elena khudiakova
horne’s department store, christmas 1960
candy cutlery rests, gohar world
november title page, @kanazhra on IG
unknown, 1950s party
carven spring-summer 2024, bibi cornejo borthwick
vintage christmas hard candy, hammonds
bottega veneta, spring 2026
1950s christmas greeting card
october 2022 vogue photgraphed by nadine ijewere, gabriella karefa-johnson
tinsel christmas tree, lune 1860
Ellen Cushing, “Americans Need to Party More,” The Atlantic, January 4, 2025,
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2025/01/throw-more-parties-loneliness/681203/.
"Plastic, though evil..." made me cackle.
Love!! The balling on a budget section is so glam